@TylerLinkin: I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
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@AaronFullerton: "Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..."
@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
@qwertying: Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?