@lazerdoov: I bought "extra whitening" toothpaste and now my teeth are spending a year in Korea teaching English
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@JerryThomas: I just bought an answering machine and it doesn't work. Or maybe I'm just asking it the wrong questions.
@mynameisntdave: ME: honey, it's really muggy out today WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
@sageboggs: Listen up, guys Neil Diamond is the name of a famous American singer-songwriter but it's also a checklist for anyone about to propose