@Anon_imosity: I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it
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@QwertyJones3: This florist doesn't even know anything about floors, and he's acting like I'm the stupid one!
@Amburglar_: When asked by the creepy guy at the bar "Why aren't you smiling?" my go-to answer is always "My yeast infection really is bubbling up."
@GensPlace: I was ringing this 0800 number for two days before I realised it was their opening hours.