@ChrisThayerSays: I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat.
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@RidiculousSheri: Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.
@pantsfaced: In a recent sleep study performed by clowns 9 out of 10 people didn't even know they were being watched.
@SheBanggs: It's cute how they show subtitles during Here Comes Honey Boo Boo & pretend that anyone watching might actually know how to read.
@KentWGraham: I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren’t allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.