@celticrose2312: I bought shampoo for "badly behaved" hair. So relieved my hair will finally stop robbing banks and terrorising old ladies.
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@TySmithdrums: Me: "Can I see the baby?" Sister: "Yes, but only if she's awake." Me, through a megaphone: "NOT A PROBLEM."
@scarfdud: my 80yr/o grandma is on facebook & she is a living click-bait article, she didn't even tell me what to do with it
@BigFatNothing: A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn't that discount apply everywhere?