@DebHawk12: I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
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@ComedicBust: [Walking into the gym Jan 1st] Trainer: Hello! This is a great life change you're making. Me: [confused] This used to be an Olive Garden..
@summerofbenny: Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
@SequelsWeWant: The Conjuring 3: Evil spirits torment another single mom & her kids. The kids torment them back. They're better at it. The spirits flee.