@SamuelHLowe: I bought some super sensitive condoms a few months ago and they won't stop crying because I don't use them.
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@netflix: DAVID AYER: I wanna make a buddy cop movie THEM: ok DA: Will Smith is one of the cops THEM: k DA: The other cop is a shy, magical orc THEM: no that's crazy EVERYONE AT NETFLIX: Hold my appletini #BRIGHTMovie
@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@KattsDogma: Cop: license & registration Magician: Check this out *levitates license* Cop: I see. Your license is suspended. Check THIS out *$75 ticket*
@FinallyHeSleeps: I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.