@ilovepie84: I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: [trying to impress fiancée's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- Oh I got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE "SUBTOTAL"?!?
@markydoodoo: GF: that spoon is still dirty ME: but I just got it out of the dishwasher GF: I can see the mayo on it ME: yeah but it's clean mayo now
@haleysfalling: patrick henry: GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH bad people: ok, death patrick henry: [turns around and whispers] guys this was not smart