@bigmacher: I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rickolantern: The human race won't go extinct when our blood turns into high fructose corn syrup Our demise will come when hummingbirds figure it out
@JermHimselfish: The eyes are the window to the soul which is why I'm throwing pebbles at your face.
@iamburtjarvis: nurse: are you allergic to any medicine? me: laughter nurse: hahaha. OH MY GOD- me [face swelling up]: i thold thou.
@mattgallo123: My third bottle of wine was able to "breathe" for a few hours when I opened it at 3am and passed out on the floor.