@Marlebean: I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
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@icrushedmyhalo: Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It's not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
@uncle_fescue: Interviewer: so your last job you worked in IT? Me: no, it says "worked it" I: worked what? [disco ball drops] [rips off pants] Me: "it"
@Ilovelamp1979: My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea