@Marlebean: I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
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@shariv67: When villainy didn't pay anymore, The Riddler got a job writing furniture assembly instructions for IKEA.
@_davidlucas_: *Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back.
@iamk1ts: Men: The Only creature blessed with the superpowers to make Any machine a smoke machine in kitchen especially when his wife isn't home.