@djr_102: I broke up with a girl once by leaving a note on the front door that simply said: "Love doesn't live here anymore, and now, neither do you."
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@KayLee_CPT: "Umm, what are you doing? Can you not? Seriously, get off me!" - The first horse ever ridden (probably)
@PeterClayton6: *buys shed at B&Q* B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself? Me: No, it's going in the garden. B&Q: Me: B&Q: I can't help you anymore.
@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.