@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus
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@lisaxy424: I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled.
@Brampersandon_: TRUMP: if elected i'll build a protective wall. I'll call it the great wall *advisor whispers in his ear* i'll call it the really great wall
@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.