@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus
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@Elizasoul80: [slashing food truck tires] friend: wtf are you doing?! [running away with arms filled with tacos] YOU COMIN OR NOT?!
@Vice_Queen: My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place.
@1Happytwit: If you're already in the cop car, I really can't see how puking in it could make things any worse.
@iwearaonesie: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips while son walks around looking for his bag of chips*