@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus
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@msmollybee25: This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
@gonzohostility: Said she was gonna send a pic of her "backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page
@funnyortruth: Friend : "I wasn't that drunk!" Me : "Dude a thief stole your T.V and you ran after him screaming "YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE!!!"