@rachelle_mandik: I brought a glue gun to a knife fight. Those knives aren't going anywhere.
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@TheRolo: Nurse: You can come inside now. *Stands up* *Dusts off jacket* *Straightens bow tie* *Fastens cufflinks* *Ahem* "That's what she said"
@radtoria: Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child.
@CherBear162: An example of men's inability to understand women - Me: I have Nothing To Wear!! Him: Awesome!
@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."