@chubbbypanda: I burned 1000 calories by lighting my arm on fire
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@bazlyons: [strip to the waist for my fight club debut] Opponent: "dude they meant the top half" *walks away* [I claim victory and retire undefeated]
@aPunch2theJunk: HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE: Whisper "You should have killed me when you had the chance" to the person in the bathroom stall next to you.
@abbycohenwl: I moved to LA with nothing but the shirt on my back. No pants & I couldn't figure out how to get the shirt on my front. Soon I was jailed