@chubbbypanda: I burned 1000 calories by lighting my arm on fire
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@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@ThisOneSayz: Me: sandwich for lunch? 6yo: noooo!!! Me: how about salami, tomatoes, cheese & bread? 6: YES!! I win.
@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?