@SirEviscerate: Can I buy you a drink? "I don't drink." *panics* Oh. Um...well, here's $12.

@Home_Halfway: *enters password* itaLLLy [Your password must contain numbers and letters] ROMAN CITIZEN: IT DOES, WTF

@TwiCarlyGleeber: Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one

@plumbur: If you start a conversation with "you're gonna say I'm crazy" there's nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance.

@KentWGraham: You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before.