@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with.
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@Cheeseboy22: If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I'd secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years.
@just1fool: I found a ten dollar bill on the ground once and thought, "This is as good as it's ever going to get. Buy some relish."
@novicefather: Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not "like Dan Aykroyd."