@wesjohnson8: I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.
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@TheToddWilliams: [creation] GOD: So how do you like the flying? PENGUIN: Meh it's no big deal GOD: Oh is that right
@UnFitz: I was inept with girls in high school. Once I tried to unhook a bra strap and accidentally made a macramé plant hanger.
@TheToddWilliams: [candy store] ME: I'd like to return this Tic Tac. CLERK: It looks partially eaten. ME: It's still in... CLERK: Don't ME: ...mint condition.