@Schmoodles: I call my bedroom 'The place where the magic happens' because one night a guy locked me in a box and tried to saw me in half.
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@juneohara65: I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?
@Donnie_Fairburn: "Son, hey son" Yeah dad? "Know why we named you Adopted?" *Sighs* Because I'm adop- "BECAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED" Good one dad "I'm not your dad"
@XplodingUnicorn: I don’t feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me.