@KentWGraham: I call my mother twice a week. Or as she refers to it, “Never.”
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@fro_vo: KID: can i eat a tide pod MOM: no KID: this is bullshit MOM: don’t use foul language go wash your mouth out with soap this instant
@geowizzacist: My 4yo: Let's play a game! Me: Is it you throw toys around the house and I pick them up? 4: No. Yes.
@UncleDuke1969: [doorbell] "Sir, do you believe Jesus died for your sins?" "No." "Why not?" "He died like 2000 years ago." "So?" "I'm 46. Do the math."