@KentWGraham: I call my mother twice a week. Or as she refers to it, “Never.”
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@beisswrandon: If he says "you're 1 in a million" it means he either has no knowledge of the world population or he thinks there are 7000 people like you
@sixfootcandy: [date] Him: So where are you from? Me: According to my parents, I was born in a barn.
@emmaberen: with absolutely zero exaggeration I think I can say that this is the funniest thing I have ever seen
@murrman5: I don't get why you have to call my wife *librarian ignores me while on phone* "your husband is here trying to check out a book about ramps"