@buttnight: migraine |my-grain| noun 1 a recurrent severe headache 2 what a farmer shouts in disbelief after a terrible storm destroys his wheat field

@dyldonot: Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.

@JustHadOneJob: Have you ever been so upset you cried in Spanish.

@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.

@daemonic3: [pharmacy] "I'd like a refill for this bottle of pills" PHARMACIST: Would you like childproof? "No thanks, I already believe in children"