@TheMichaelRock: Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep.

@MoarCaffeine: Being poor means having to read the menu card from right to left.

@mattZillaaaa: Women have 9 months to prepare for birth. Paper cuts JUST HAPPEN

@JasonLastname: If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.

@bellicosejason: I'm going to the hospital tomorrow...not because I'm sick, but because they have free pudding if you're fast enough.