@armyVet1972: I call my wife the iNag because she has 32GB of complaints and they're set on shuffle.
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@jakob_huber: A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: "Go swimming, the water's great! And there's no sharks! P.S. this wasn't written by a shark"
@P_o_n_k: DR. BABY: Ma'am, I'm sorry. We were unable to reattach your husband's nose WOMAN: *Cries into hands* DR. BABY: Wait where did she go