@armyVet1972: I call my wife the iNag because she has 32GB of complaints and they're set on shuffle.
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@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.
@youcancallmesim: Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
@Mickey_McCauley: Unfaithful Russian men come home to find all their stuff in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box on the sidewalk.
@TheBeerGuy73: Today I saw a bird shit on somebody for no apparent reason at all. Then I thought of you.