@Parentpains: I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
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@mjkspeaks: ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn’t what i meant
@Chumpstring: GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?
@charliedelta7: Just flipped my son off behind his back because I'm an adult and don't get into arguments with 4 year olds.
@hippieswordfish: 'babe, i'm ready' -says my wife, from the bedroom 'be right there' -i say from the bathroom, trying furiously to untangle my yo-yo string