@TheRealRHB: I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
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@AmericanGent69: Me: Finally, time to sleep! Brain: ahem Me: oh God please no Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.
@rockymomax: [having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?
@Fickle_Filly: It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
@mattchew81: A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say "I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"