@buttnight: I came home to a trail of bread leading to the bedroom & of course I followed, only to find my husband in bed with 10 ducks. I'm heartbroken
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@ClichedOut: Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the whole truth, so help you God? Me: Yes, unless she asks me if she looks fat.
@sofarrsogud: BUFFALO: I was only a kid. I showed Dad my report card. He smiled, hugged me and said 'good bison'. I never saw him agai...oh, ok I see now
@mdob11: A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
@GinGander: Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".