@buttnight: I came home to a trail of bread leading to the bedroom & of course I followed, only to find my husband in bed with 10 ducks. I'm heartbroken
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@yogaknifefight: Oh panic attacks,I thought you said pancake attacks because I have those all the time.
@dubiousrhetoric: Preowned Jaguar for sale. Beloved family member, excellent shape. Wife forced me to put her up for sale after she (the jaguar) ate the kids.
@KalvinMacleod: I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.
@animaldrumss: To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh... yeah. yes.