@GigsIsMyName: I came this close!!!!
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@JermHimselfish: Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever.
@FlyJ_: Florist: "Would you like your flowers wrapped?" Me: "Nope, they're going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law."
@daemonic3: WIFE: OMG how did grandma's ashes get knocked off the mantel? ME: Actually I think it was- *cat makes throat slice gesture* -the wind
@theshamingofjay: Exclamation point rules ! - good !! - excited !!! - awesome !!!! - starting to get creepy !!!!! - cheerleader creepy !!!!!! - own 20 cats