@GigsIsMyName: I came this close!!!!
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@dafloydsta: [at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You ate all the cookies and your sister got none. What does that tell you? 4-year-old: I won.
@jensenmarie_: Going to dress up as a Jedi today and open automatic doors for people with the force. NO YOU GET A LIFE.
@TheLastVirgo: The moral of Little Red Riding Hood is: 1) Never trust strangers; 2) Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human.