@WowYoureFunny: I can almost always tell when a movie doesn't use real zombies.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
@Dr_awfulpants: [Water cooler] -Looks like you had a wild weekend! How'd you get the scratches? *flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.
@TheMichaelRock: [at interview] Her: In three words or less, tell me why we should hire you. Me: I'm good with numbers.
@SadieSmithRoks: A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.