@dril: i can confirm that Somali pirates have intercepted my shipment of 20,000 glossy 8x10 headshots and are using them for vile purposes
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@Playing_Dad: Me: Not to be racist but you look like you're sick Her: How was that racist? Me: I said "not to be racist" you must be sicker than I thought
@Ghetto_Trophy: Sleeping Beauty has a pretty good situation going on until Prince Charming came and screwed it up.
@GrowlyGrego: [doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. "Nooo!" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn.
@kelkulus: Fun Christmas Trivia: "Myrrh" is the awkward sound you make when you look at your bank balance on Dec 26th.