@ImaFlyontheWall: I can convert alcohol into an idiot
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@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at work 2 hrs late Boss: HR wants to see you about your behavior Me: Well, I literally just got here so it couldn't have been me
@IamEnidColeslaw: it's fun to yell CHEESE! at a group of girls and watch them switch to their Facebook Poses
@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.