@DanMentos: I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve visited Chernobyl… it’s 14
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments
@BadMikeyBad: Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats
@AndyAsAdjective: [spelling bee] your word is 'hor d'oeuvre' "can you use it in a sentence?" yes…'I bet this kid can't spell hor d'oeuvre'