@jngraphs: When I had no money, I had few friends, but no enemies Btw, I still have no money, in case you were thinking of becoming my friend or enemy

@Shawn_spree: Wife: Am I grotesque? Me: No, angel cake! Wife: Why did you call me a cake? Me: Cake is round? *runs *

@Ygrene: No time to exercise? Get the results of a 30 minute workout in only 3 seconds by accidentally stepping on your cat on the stairs in the dark

@withanewname: Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.

@themorris23: When life handed Chuck Norris lemons, he made chocolate pudding.