@kirbys4losers: I can feel you getting distant from me; my only wish for you is that your destination is oncoming traffic.
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@DeanB15: I just smoked so much pot that I tried to order one of the dishes of food off the scrolling instagram menu.
@mishakey: I was tailgating a slow driver earlier. He brake checked, flipped me off, and when that didn't work he turned his police lights on. Jerk.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What does that cloud look like to you? 3-year-old: A cloud. Me: No, what do you imagine it could be? 3-year-old: Rain.