@ilovepie84: I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette.
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@Sassafrantz: My date said he wasn't looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.
@Cheeseboy22: I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner.
@juliacomedy: remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Came home from work early and caught my inflatable girlfriend cheating on me with the beachball.