@MariyaAlexander: I can judge the goodness of my sex life by the loudness of the terrible music the neighbors are blasting
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@VenisVal: Boss: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait? Boss: Today!
@FilthyRichmond: Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat.