@sixthformpoet: I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals.
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@ojedge: [cash4gold] Man in a coat: [holding gold bar] "How much is this worth?" "It's 25 carats…" [8 rabbits rustle excitedly beneath trench-coat]
@shanethevein: Saw a grown man riding down the street on a BMX. I yelled what does BMX stand for? He replied "DUI".
@causticbob: "Susan, will you marry me?" "Oh yes Johnny, yes! Yes!" Ten grand later and it's still the best prank I ever pulled on my twin brother.
@nbadag: DEMON: [roars] KNEEL, MORTAL—IT IS I, BAELROTH THE SPOON-HIDER ME: omg what're u gonna do to me? DEMON: were—were you not listening just now