@TattleTSister: I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?
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@KeetPotato: wife: "what on earth are you doing?" me: "making a penguin" wife: "that's a pigeon" me: [opening freezer door] "not for long"
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here.
@Try2StopME: A Guy Doing Push Ups 'One.. Two.. Three..' *A Girl Passes by..* Guy: "82.. 83.. 84.."
@Reverend_Scott: BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]