@TexasHickspanic: I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y'all are screwed!
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@KentWGraham: Given their destructive force to homes, kids’ birthday parties should get names like hurricanes do. Birthday Party Hugo.
@VailshireCap: "Daddy, tell me again about how you wasted time before Twitter existed?" "Well son, we used to look at clouds & pretend they were animals."
@C3Ballin: Life was simpler when photo albums were books containing pleasant family snaps and not digital online librarys of me puking in a shoe.