@NoTheOtherJohn: I can really relate to eminem in "8 mile" because my moms spaghetti is really bad too
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@1_swarthy_dude: Boss:"I'll need those projections done Aesop!" Me:"You mean ASAP?" Boss:"No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."
@electrolemon: yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my opinion between two men's shirts and immediately went to check out with the one i didn't choose
@Iwriteforcats: Son: Dad, you work so hard and never get any credit. You're like a superhero! Dad: Nice try. You're still not getting the Internet password.