@KKAlThani: I can relate to people who say they need to rest so they can recover after a tough workout. I feel exactly the same after a heavy meal.
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@Sickayduh: "911, what's your emerg-" "The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell" "Sir uteri is not plural for ute-" "TAMPI EVERYWHERE"
@jakob_huber: Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough
@ShoutingGoddess: My 4 yr old: I wish I was a nurse. Me: You can be one day, if you want. Him: *sadly shaking head* No. I'm going to be a Power Ranger.