@TheWoodenslurpy: I can tell so much about a person just by guessing.
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@Holy_Mowgli: "what qualifications do u have to work as a zookeeper?" *slides resume across desk* "I think this speaks for itself" "sir…that's a parrot"
@Jamie1947: Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before
@ShutUpThatsWho: [taking pregnant wife to hospital ER] Me: Help! My wife's having contradictions! Dr: Don't you mean contractions? Wife: Never say never