@jackiembouvier: I can tell Spring is almost here because I'm on the verge of wanting to kill myself but I'd also like to plant some bulbs.
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@thetigersez: Don't even talk to me until I've had my coffee. *never drinks coffee again* This is nice.
@Rollmaninoz: my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it’s no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides
@0point5twins: In phone books, "assisted living" is next to "assassin", so be more careful than I was, hiring someone to 'take care of grandma'.
@Parkerlawyer: I was in Australia once and a newscaster said in the cutest accent that a swimmer was “taken” by a shark. I asked if that meant they died and my friend said, “Well yes, but no worries, it happens. Sharks do that.” And that’s the most Australian thing I’ve ever heard.