@twitinfected: I can turn a case of beer into a drunk man. Your move, Jesus.
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@YourTumblrFeed: Psychic: reads my mind My mind: waelcome to my kitchennnnnn…. We have bananis…… And avocadi
@2thestreetz: If you want world peace, your army should be made up of massage therapists. I mean, who could fight while getting a relaxing massage?
@Midgetspar: The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough.