@ewfeez: I can turn anything into a boomerang just by throwing it straight up
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@Elizasoul80: Me: "I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself." Twitter: lol, you said "came".
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.
@gingerfaced: Did you ever think about ten years ago you'd be saying.. "I really hope this is a chick I'm talking to".
@CulturedRuffian: Waiter: Did you save room for dessert? Me: Not really, I'm stuffed Waiter: Ok, I'll bring the check Me: I'll have the chocolate cake.