@pabstdriver: I can usually tell how productive I've been at work, by the battery life of my phone.
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@markleggett: My neighbour has been playing the bongos for over an hour, and I thought he was meditating until I heard him sing "Yeah, shake that shit…"
@_xLNc: I carry a knife whenever I'm running late to work because that's what Counterstrike taught me: "You always run faster with a knife".
@Sadieisonfire: I put Infinite Warfare on Craigslist and of course I'm getting the geniuses texting me