@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
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@rolldiggity: Give a man a cat and he eats for a day. Give him too many cats, and people will be like, "Are you giving cats to that guy who eats cats?!?"
@LizHackett: Every earthquake is a reminder that you drunk-ate the good granola bars out of the earthquake kit eight years ago and never restocked them.