@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
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@NurseMurderer: I told my date I was depressed. I added, "not like cut my inner thigh depressed, but sleep with you even though I don't like you depressed."
@ch000ch: u could put a horse in a time machine and send it to any era and the horse's life would literally be the same
@ArfMeasures: [Bar] HER: I want to have sex so badly ME: [trying to impress her] I am so bad at sex