@karlainvt: I cannot breath, walk, or bend over but DAYUM these skinny jeans look good.
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@Brampersandon_: How did the date go? -Not good. Aww what went wrong? -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.
@coketruck76: Me: I'm into fitness Trainer: not again M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth T: you should go M: this isn't going to "workout" T: LEAVE NOW
@WGladstone: My upstairs landlord asked if screams were coming from my apt or if she was dreaming. Either way, one of us has a terrifying neighbor.
@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.