@karlainvt: I cannot breath, walk, or bend over but DAYUM these skinny jeans look good.
@dreamsinchocola: When I undress there is a radiant shower that falls. Not of money or glitter, but of dog hair.
@jennyandteets: Holding a friend's phone for her. Just texted "put a ring on it" to five random male names. Stay tuned.
@birbigs: "It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve." -confused homophobe
@pradacid: “shake what ya momma gave ya!”
*starts shaking low self-esteem*
@JustLikeMikee: Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent