@cre8luv_4u: I cannot walk on water, But I can wobble on whisky.
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@oxygenplug: "Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?" "Juicy Juice" "What? Are you sure? Why don't we-" "Juicy. Juice."
@melliemeow: I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don't stand in them or walk in them.
@1Bad_Scientist: Me: how was your date? Friend: I ruined her panties. M: Wow that's hot man. F: No she got food poisoning from my cooking, bro.