@RidiculousSheri: I can't afford Ugg boots, so I just never shave below the knee to create the illusion that I'm wearing them.
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@lilgapeach30: The black smoke coming from my toaster indicates a new pop tart has been selected!
@DrDogMD: NURSE: *bursts in* Dr., come quick! DR DOG: CHRIST, JULIE! Don't you knock?!? *hides magazine of sexy Labradoodles being sprayed with hoses*
@BuckyIsotope: [on first date] Yes I'll have the- *whispers to waiter* I don't speak French *points at menu* "The French toast, sir?" Yeah. 6 of those.
@AimeeHelene1: Tonight's special: Hummus-fed pigeon leg, rolled in coffee grinds, served on a bed of fresh lawn clippings $105 - Fancy restaurants