@Sirrruh: I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission
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@weinerdog4life: Maybe the Titanic sank because there were too many cats onboard, you don't know.
@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a light grey Me: ... My dog: if that helps
@shkeeber: Things safer than flying Malaysia Airlines: -Badger juggling -Heroin enemas -Grenade soup -Live cobra condoms -Roman candle tampons -Ebola