@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
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@AntoKenya: My girlfriend once told me she was pregnant. I was so excited that I ran to another country and have never seen her from then.
@trevso_electric: Man who looks forward to spending his entire life with Kim Kardashian disagrees with Grammy decision.
@ch000ch: would love to see a prequel to Titanic where we see Jack completely unable to climb onto a floating pool toy and we all go "ahh makes sense"
@DanMentos: [job interview] “any public speaking experience?” not since the valedictorian speech in high school “very impressive” I yelled 'YOU SUCK'