@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ericonederful: Pastor: pray for your enemies. Me: Dear god, please kill all of my enemies. Pastor: no! Not like that! Me: too late. I already said amen.
@LoveNLunchmeat: You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.
@Cravin4: My top 5 yoga positions 5 Napping Warrior 4 Downward Spiral 3 Crying Plank 2 Farting Tree 1 Drunk Hasselhoff
@BruceForce: Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP.