@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
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@jergarl: Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat.
@pantsfaced: In a recent sleep study performed by clowns 9 out of 10 people didn't even know they were being watched.