@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
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@Schindizzle: My prompt email replies are 10% due to me being a diligent employee, and 90% due to the crippling OCD that compels me to clear my inbox.
@dariatbh: I hope all the friends I've made in the bathroom at 1am are still SO pretty and everything worked out with that boy they were drunk texting
@SteveSuckington: [100 year old man on job interview] "Do you have any references?" Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*