@robyn_vo: I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *sees Deer Crossing sign* *further down the road sees deer nailed to crucifix* "Oh wow, they weren't lying"
@ImaFlyontheWall: Him:Dude, I went on one of those police ride alongs with my friend..it was awesome! You ever done that? Me: In the front or back of the car?
@Shingaboop: Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
@dafloydsta: [spelling bee] Your word is 'sarcasm' "Can you use it in a sentence?" Ooooo I would love to