@Rivs01: I can't believe I used to talk to people.
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@trojansauce: [first day in the mafia] ME: *bursts in out of breath* STOP! BOSS: what ME: i just found out that this is *whispers* illegal
@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying
@KaylarWill: It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus