@Rivs01: I can't believe I used to talk to people.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@therealeatwood: ME: Leave me alone! You’re not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton.
@McGrumpenstein: My doctor doesn’t like it when he tells me to disrobe and I say “you first, I’m shy.”
@bfrosty04: Remember when you thought if you accidentally swallowed apple seeds, a tree would grow in your belly? God I miss my 'Thirties'....
@internetluke: [cops showing wife my body] "Why is he 50m from where he got shot?" "Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"